Overcoming Failure and Rejection to Achieve Your Dreams
The difference between the people that succeed and the people that don’t usually doesn’t have anything to do with talent. It has to do with intrinsic desire and PERSEVERANCE. Simply put, the people that succeed wanted it the most. And they decided not to let anything stand in their way.
Anyone that did anything noteworthy faced a great deal of adversity, but kept going. Tyler Perry (self-made billionaire) produced the same stage play, year after year. Each year, he hardly sold any tickets and was greeted by a nearly empty audience. Issa Rae created several no budget web series, and even after the success of The Misadventures of Awkward Black girl, it took over three years for her show Insecure to be produced by HBO. Daveed Diggs (Hamilton) had already starred in a hit Broadway play and it still took 10 years for his movie, Blindspotting, to be produced.
So the point is, things take a long time to happen. If you have any goals in your life or anything that you feel like you’ll be dead inside if you don’t achieve, then you better start building up your PATIENCE. Nothing happens overnight. And the things that do happen overnight… you should probably be weary of.
Not only do opportunities generally take a while to present themselves, it also takes a while for you to be prepared to accept these opportunities. Life is about love and laughter and heartache and struggle. Emphasis on the struggle. Struggling sucks in the moment, but it’s a character builder. Personally, I’ve looked back on so many moments in my life that seemed insurmountable and realized how they helped to shape me into a better person.
I’m sure that with every failed play Tyler Perry produced, he learned something new. He learned;
How to better tell his story
How to better prepare his actors
How to raise money
How to promote his production
What made his audience laugh
What made his audience cry
Etc.
He put on this same play, “I know I’ve Been Changed”, over and over for six years. Most people would have been horribly discouraged by the financial failure he experienced the first year, but not Tyler. He was determined. He knew that the only way to reach his goal was for him to PIVOT. There was obviously room for improvement that first year, and the five subsequent years after that. So instead of throwing himself a pity party and giving up, he figured out how to become undeniable. And he has made history.
He now owns a studio lot larger than any Hollywood lot and has become a self-made billionaire.
Not everyone loves the type of films he’s produced, but we can all agree that he knows how to engage an audience and develop a following. None of this happened overnight. It happened because of vision + determination + resilience.
During weak moments in my own journey, I’ve found solace in listening to other people’s stories of failure and rejection. We put ourselves out there and were anxious about it in the first place, now we’ve been rejected and that email, or letter, or phone call feels like a dagger in the heart. You never know why things aren’t happening for you right now. It’s easy to assume that you’re not good enough and aren’t cut out to achieve your goal. This is most people’s default, but it’s a lie.
For the sake of your sanity, you have to consider the other potential reasons for your failure or rejection.
#1. People are subjective - you may not have shown your work to the right person yet. Maybe you catch a producer on the wrong day. They’re irritated about a divorce they're going through and when you pitch them your idea about a faith based romance they immediately tune you out. They’re not too happy with God right now and they don’t want to hear about anyone being happy in love when their love life is in such disarray. It’s important to keep in mind that people are human and their emotions and tastes are subjective. It would be crazy to base your perception of the quality of your work on just a few people’s opinion on it.
#2. You may be a few steps away from your opportunity, but you just have to keep walking. Sometimes other people need a break in life a little bit more than you do. In your mind it might seem like an opportunity is perfect for you, but maybe it’s actually perfect for someone else. If you don’t give up and become all bitter, the opportunity that was designed for you might show up sooner than you’d expect. Perfect example, the short film, “Stutterer”. It was rejected by the Sundance film festival, but won an Oscar! That just goes to show the importance of not allowing one failure to define your work.
#3. God knows that you’re not emotionally or spiritually ready for the path. You might be 45 years old and feel like a very wise and sensible member of society. But God knows that thing that’s deep inside of you just waiting to be triggered. He also knows how terrible it would be for you to prematurely reach success and then blow it all because you never really learned how to deal with conflict. (I’m talking to myself here).
In 2020 I realized that I tend to avoid people and cut them off when I have an issue. Although, in our small S.C. film community, I can’t afford to avoid anyone. And evasion is not a healthy practice anyway. If I’m going to become the impactful woman of God that I need to be, then I need to learn how to let people know what’s wrong. That way we can resolve the matter quickly and not let it drag on.
#4. You haven’t lived enough life to find your authentic voice that will make you stand apart. I’ve had a similar issue with many of my screenplays; I come up with the concept by thinking of what would be commercially successful and digestible for large audiences. Then I write up something that is cute, but lacks depth and emotional resonance. After a butt-load of rejections, I’ve realized that these stories mean nothing without their thematic core. And the best way for me to decide what the message is in my stories is for me to tell a story that’s authentic to my real human experience. Once I started writing stories that almost felt too personal I began receiving acceptance letters instead of those dreadful rejections.
Win, Win, Win,Win!
So if you go to sleep at night and can't stop thinking about your passion, then you have to pursue it relentlessly. You have to keep going... keep improving… because what else do you have to do? You could spend the next ten years stuck in that “I could’ve”, “I used to”, ”I wish I would have” type mindset, or you could get out there and make your dreams a reality!