CUTTING MYSELF SOME SLACK
DESTINY: The hidden power that controls what happens in the future.
Growing up with that name... a name that means so much... has always stressed me out a little.
People were convinced I was going to do something great and they never let me forget it. Of course, that was way better than being put down or told that I was stupid, so I’m not complaining.
What I am saying, though, is that those high expectations made me constantly question my decisions. I harped on my mistakes. I wasted time throwing a pity party for my inability to go back in time and fix what I had done. I rehearsed in my head, over and over, what I should have done (better) and what I should have said (smarter). I drove myself crazy.
In the midst of my spiraling, the only thing that would bring me out is recounting the positives. Telling myself that I’ve accomplished a whole lot in my life and that I’m a great wife and a great mother (the most difficult one for me to believe). Living in that kind of anxiety is not healthy for anyone. So I’ve decided that from now on, I’m going to start cutting myself some slack.
The first step is recognizing the problem. Now that I had recognized it, I began assessing what actual steps it would take for me to make the change. Therefore, I began observing others and the way that they deal with life in general.
In both my careers, civil engineering and filmmaking, one specific type of person stood out to me. I noticed that my peers who make a name for themselves are the ones who have an “I run this” type attitude. They’re not necessarily conceited, they just put off confidence in their own abilities. They make you think they’ve been doing this for years and they’re experts at what they do. The truth is; most of the time they’re BS-ing. They’re just winging it like the rest of us, but their confidence convinces you otherwise.
What I’ve learned from those types of people is that you have to hype your own self up.
If you wait until you’ve gotten that degree, or made that money, or gotten other people to recognize you before you recognize yourself; then you may be in turmoil for the rest of your life.
So you have to start cutting yourself some slack.People are imperfect. We all make mistakes and there’s no use beating ourselves up about it. When we make a bad decision, we have to do what we can to fix it. And when we make a good decision, we have to allow ourselves that little cocky moment where we get to feel awesome. In order to enjoy the journey of life, we have to stop being our own worst enemy and cut ourselves some slack.
If you’re one of those people that likes more specific examples (like me) then stick along for the ride. Here goes… STORY TIME.
Since high school, calculus was always fun and interesting to me. Apparently, I’m one of those strange people that enjoys math. It was always like some kind of puzzle for me to solve.
In the 8th grade, I was told that the field of engineering was lacking in representation of people of color and especially women. Obviously I have some kind of unicorn complex where I like being different from everyone else around me. So I decided at that point to become an engineer. It didn’t hurt that I was always told how much money I could make as an engineer.
I endured 4 years of college, all the while I knew I didn’t find that subject interesting. But I’ve never been a quitter. So now, after 10 years of pursuing a career in civil engineering (and feeling utterly incompetent the whole way), I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to force myself into something that literally crushes my soul. I will pursue what makes me happy and, even when I feel like I’m failing, I’m going to cut myself some slack.
Writing has always been my true passion, but I’ve been treating it like a side chick. I only told people about my “real career” because I thought the idea of becoming a writer & director was far fetched.
It felt silly for me to even admit… but I needed it to survive.
I was bored as “all get-out” when I found myself patrolling guardrail and cable rail in the super uninteresting county of Laurens, SC.
So back in 2017 I started going hard core with writing feature films and short films. I even followed the internet’s advice and made a short film with my phone. My husband, my son, MYSELF (ahhh!), and random members of our circle starred in the film. It’s one of the most cringy things I ever made, but I made it.
Then at the end of 2017, myself and a few guys started a group called the Upstate Filmmaker’s Network. Our goal was to produce a bunch of no budget short films, for the experience, and of course, the fun. We did a lottery to find out which script which films to make.
Mine was chosen first… and initially, I thought that was a good thing. Later I realized I had been the guinea pig.
So that fall I directed my first short film entitled Boy Toy. It was an intense first film. It involved; partial nudity, a sex shop, a restaurant, dildos, special effects, and a whole bunch of actors… casting was HELL!
**I never really intended to make that short. I just wanted to have something to bring to our writer’s workshop.**
Of course, I beat myself up about every mistake I made on that set and every one of the film’s shortcomings, but looking back (and trying my best to be positive) I realized everything that I gained from that experience. I...
Found the importance of having a clear vision before filming a single thing
Became aware of the importance of quality communication
Learned how important time management is on set (and I’m still learning)
Realized that actors need to know who the character their playing really is
Motivations
Backstory
Core issues
Discovered the value of people doing separate jobs that all work together to make magic
Submitted my first film through the festival circuit and began really experiencing FILM LIFE… Then I fell in love!!!
So now I have decided to make a career out of my passion. I love writing, I love telling stories, and I love crafting works of art. Briefly, I wondered how I could begin a career as a screenwriter before I’ve made that big sale. Then I started recounting the positives and… cutting myself some slack.
I noted what I’m good at;
Deciphering what it is that people are trying to say, even when they may not know it themselves (I’m an empath which is a gift & a curse)
Writing off the wall stories that defy dry and boring conventions
Organizing ideas and words into digestible formats
Following a conversation I had with a friend, I discovered that I would make a great COPYWRITER! And I didn’t realize I’d already been doing copywriting for years through a company that I worked with part time. Also I scored really high on the AP English exam ~ snaps for me :-) . So I started doing one of the other things I’m pretty good at: STUDYING.
Even though I’ve been copywriting and story cultivating for years… this is the official launch of my company; HUSH GIRL PRODUCTIONS.
*** Click here to find out some similarities between copywriting and screenwriting***
And remember that no matter how bad it feels like you’ve screwed up, you never know what you may learn from the experience. So you have to… cut yourself some slack!